25: A copywriter walks into a bar

This week’s newsletter is almost late and I’m sorry about that. I’ve been booking as many copywriting jobs as I can to make some money before Christmas, and it’s meant that instead of working on my book or the articles I want to finish before the end of the year, I’ve been writing about teeth whitening and lingual braces and the best places to shop on Northumberland Street.

Being a copywriter is something I didn’t know I was until I’d been doing it for about five years. I went into marketing pretty much immediately after graduating (as it turns out, the inverted pyramid really is the ideal way to write marketing copy.) I remember seeing a joke on Twitter and realising that I wasn’t a writer at all; I hadn’t written anything I’d cared about in years. I was actually a copywriter, and I wasn’t enjoying it either. “An SEO copywriter walks into a bar, the best bar in town, a bar near me…” It was like seeing a penny at the bottom of a dark, algae-thick pool. It was a decent job, and I was doing a version of the thing I wanted to do, but I was lying to myself if I said it was fulfilling my dreams. 

Every now and again I rely on copywriting to dig me out of financial holes. Writers don’t say thing like this in the hope you’ll find their poverty compelling. At least I hope they don’t — I certainly don’t. Being paid to write is hard. There are a lot of writers. There isn’t a lot of money to pay for their words. When you do get money for your words, they become something else, and you have to work even harder for them to feel as smooth and weighty in people’s hands. So by flipping that shiny little coin over to its grubby, riverbottom side, I can find work I’m not proud of but that pays the bills. And I wanted to share this thought because it’s easy to think everyone is doing better than you. Stop. Everyone is working through something just as much as you are. Everyone is reaching for something they want.

Other Stuff

My Stuff

  • I’m really, really proud of this piece I’ve written on local beer and lower league football giving communities a combined sense of identity. It’s also called Home Turf, which I love because I like the word “turf”. 

  • Amphora. What are they? Why are they? I spoke to a few experts because I was genuinely interested, and then I wrote about it. Which is how I wish all my articles went.

  • I’ve got two articles in the Pellicle in-tray at the mo. Expect one to be published in the near future. As I said before, they’re raising standards all the time over there. No pressure. No pressure at all.

A section from Grace Helmer’s illustrations for

Hugh Thomas’ Faversham Hop Festival piece
— originally published in Pellicle Magazine

24:

I feel like I’m on the cusp of something at the moment. Like I’m waiting for something to happen. The nebulous forms of life goals collect and disperse inside my head constantly, their colours and shapes taking different forms as they drift and merge, getting louder and brighter at night when I’m trying to sleep.

We have plans for our life, Tom and I, and they’re creeping up on us. Soon we’ll have to make decisions and take leaps. Maybe we’ll have to ask people for help — the scariest thing of all. But everything is always about work. Career. Direction. Meaning. This is what happens, I guess, when two Capricorns get married.

I am going on holiday tomorrow with an old friend, a long weekend away, to somewhere hilly and rainy and ancient, with no internet, a log fire and an orchard full of tiny sheep, windfallen pears and peach trees. I’ve been hanging a lot on the thought of this holiday and how separate from real life it will be. On the first night I want a blank, starless sleep. After that I want to go full Crow Crag — rant in local tearooms, shout into the indifferent overcast valleys, drink from the bottle, detach. I can’t wait.

Other stuff

My stuff

  • I’ve been busy working on a few chunky pieces I’m really excited about this week, but nothing published yet.

  • I’ve also been suffering really severely with anxiety this week, so I wanted to say to anyone else who suffers, take care of yourself. Know when to stop. Rest.

  • I read (and hugely enjoyed) Normal People by Sally Rooney and My Year of Rest and Relaxation by Otessa Moshfegh this week which may have something to do with my somewhat altered mental state.

Lighters in Dum Dum lollipop wrappers – Amy Sedaris

23: Define Art

Since I never made it to galleries, and when I did I felt as though I shouldn’t be there, I never saw much art throughout my teens and 20s. I never interacted with art. Even the word was fairly meaningless to me. I never thought about artist interpretation, or style, or choices. I thought people were born with a talent for deciphering the hidden messages behind the paint; you either got it, or you didn’t. Some people understood art. I didn’t. I assumed it was because art was not made for someone like me.

I’ve always liked certain pieces — I like Monet’s studies of the Thames and the Houses of Parliament for eg. — but I’ve only ever used them as Facebook headers, or phone backgrounds. I felt guilty about this. Like somehow I should be appreciative in a more respectful way.

I’ve decided I was wrong.  If the most accessible way I can be inspired by great artists, and express myself through their work, is through a photograph of a painting on Instagram, then that’s what I’m going to do. Looking at and trying to understand art has become something I do every day now, because of Instagram. I’ve gone from thinking art was unfathomable and for other people to enjoy, to appreciating it every time I scroll through my updates.

There are gatekeepers at the entrance of every possible hobby, but when I look at paintings on my phone and get lost in the intense detail, or the beauty, or the abstraction, I feel like I’ve been shown in through a side entrance. In front of the non-judgemental glare of my phone screen I can soak in the textures of brushstrokes, or spend a moment experiencing deep feelings about light. Here I can learn and look and experience without feeling out of place.

(Kindof related, huge coincidence: This week I saw that the National Extension College announced they will be running an online History of Art A Level starting in January 2020. I signed up immediately.)

Other Stuff:

My stuff:

I was shortlisted for the British Guild of Beer Writer’s Long Live The Local award for writing about pubs this week, which I am very chuffed about. I thought this week I might share the pieces I put forward in my submission to be considered for this prize.

Fayum portrait of unnamed man, artist unknown. 
More reading: John Berger on the nature of
Fayum paintings.

22: Uncomfortable With Authority

Despite the Mercury Retrograde (which I am absolutely, resolutely ignoring, this week has been pretty good to me so far), I’ve been trying a lot of new things. I started running again, I enrolled on a course (WSET L2), I did some public speaking and I’ve gone on a press trip by myself — which meant flying by myself too.

Despite my severe fear of flying (I might have mentioned it) I was more concerned about the public speaking. I’m never a fan of being treated as an authority. I’m a journalist. I do research and collate it; I get other people to give me authoritative quotes, and I fan around them with decorative waffle. Giving my opinion on anything makes me extremely uneasy, especially because my memory is notoriously bad and I can’t stand up to further questioning. I’m also very willing to please, and hate getting into arguments. Everything unravels. Give me an hour and a sheet of paper and I’ll give you a decent explanation.

I think this is why I do things like enrol on official courses (see top paragraph) and all my books have annotations and bits of post-it sticking out of them. I want to learn. It would be nice to be an expert on something instead of a potterer in everything. But then people would ask me for my opinion, and I’d hate that.

I’m in Dublin now, which is why this newsletter is so early. I’m getting to spend an hour in Guinness’ archives. I think the stout festival should be more exciting — and I’m looking forward to it, don’t get me wrong — but an hour in the archives? Dream. Living it.

Other Stuff:

My Stuff

  • If you subscribe to Beer52/Ferment mag, you’ll find two pieces by me in there this month — one about the amazing Abbeydale Brewery Funk Fest, and one about the history and relevance of amphorae.

  • I put out a tweet earlier this week asking what you’d like me to write. I’m interested.

Unnamed Woman — Charles Traub, 197?