I spent 10 days over the early December season travelling around Belgium and the Netherlands in my van for the UCI Cyclocross World Championship races. We called it CROSSMASS, and it was brilliant.
To introduce the sport, because I’m sure 99% of you are most certainly not here for cycling race reports, I wanted to explore the beautiful banality of the Cyclocross world. It’s a brutal and difficult sport requiring endurance, nerve and skill — I’d be tempted to link it to extreme sports rather than niche sports, but then, does it matter? Not really. What matters is that at Cyclocross races, the sponsors are wonderfully boring. DIY stores. Builder’s merchants. A mayonnaise brand. A bathroom fittings and fixtures superstore. Flooring manufacturers. They are all here, excited to be involved, and they make inflatables to get even more into the batshit bonkers spirit of things.
(NB. I apologise, alt text isn’t yet available on the mobile app version of Substack)
There’s something beautiful to me about something so whimsically banal. It shows me that everyone who watches Cyclocross actually likes fun, no matter how boring life is. Belgian, Dutch, German, French, English, whoever you are and however your nationality apparently dictates your appetite for silliness, everyone at Cyclocross is wearing an X20 duck hat, pointing at a giant inflatable paint tin, getting rained on and watching superhumans hurl themselves up and down muddy hills. Absurd. Amazing.
If you want to watch some of the races this winter, they are on Eurosport and Discovery+, I went to Namur, Hulst and Zonhoven.
Belgian chocolatier Sarah Frison shares her favourite treats for Christmas and beyond to celebrate the release of her book The Festive Belgian Bakery.
I’m really happy to share with you this special collaborative newsletter between Sarah and I, because it’s undoubtedly made me feel more Christmassy than anything else has yet this year! I hope you enjoy it xox
When Sarah Frison reached out with her new book The Festive Belgian Bakery, I saw her confections in my minds-eye and my first thought was, of course, “ooh, what beers would go with those?”
Luckily, Sarah wanted to know too, so we started working on some pairing ideas.
There are more than 400 breweries in Belgium, giving Belgians the choice between more than 1600 different beers. Narrowing the choice down is tough, but looking at some of the traditional festive treats baked in the region all winter long, obvious pairings start to jump out.
A beer for Saint Nick
Our first beer pairing is just as much a personal gift as it is an occasion. What sort of beer would be perfect to serve to St Nicholas himself? Giver of gifts to all children and famously, a lover of speculaas biscuits, chocolate figures, mandarin oranges and marzipan, he needs a great beer to go with all these wonderful goodies. Quite obviously, St. Nicholas has a sweet tooth, so we need to look for something that’ll satisfy his sugary cravings. The spiciness of the speculaas biscuits, the rich Belgian chocolate, the almonds in the marzipan and the fragrant mandarins all together make for a complex flavour profile, but thankfully there are Belgian beers that can stand up to the festive assault.
If our patron saint of the season wants to treat himself, he should look for a Chimay Red. Easy to track down and great value for money, this beer was almost made for him—its toffee and caramel notes blending seamlessly with seasonal citrus fruits and nougat.
Best served: beside a shoe put in front of the fire. This is the signal for St. Nicholas to come by your house and see if you’ve left a wish list or drawing for him. Don’t forget — he loves those and cherishes them. On December 6th you’ll wake up and find all of his favourite treats by that shoe, maybe you’ll even get a note saying thank you for drawing and a Chimay Red of your own!
Stollen
It’s tradition to cut yourself a slice of stollen bread as a treat on an afternoon in the run up to December the 25th. This rich, sweet bread with a heart of marzipan is stuffed with raisins and confit orange, and served with a good slice of butter.
It’s hard to think of a beer that would pair better with stollen than a Belgian Stout like Gulden Draak Imperial Stout by Brouwerij Van Steenberge, a dark and luxurious combination of a strong Belgian ale and an Imperial Stout. Pairing a sweet and heavy cake with a beer full of dried fruit and chocolate flavours might seem cloying, but a more bitter beer would clash — sugar can make bitter flavours seem even more bitter.
Sometimes nothing tastes better than a good cup of coffee or hot chocolate with a slice of stollen, since a hot drink helps the marzipan and butter to melt in your mouth in the most delicious, decadent way. Perhaps you might want to try mulling a beer to drink alongside your cake? Glühkriek is a wintery favourite, made by warming up kriek (cherry beer) and adding mulling spices. Leifmans make their own beer ready for mulling — all you need to do is heat it up.
Mendients
On Christmas day, we’re having mendiants. These dark chocolate disks studded with walnuts, raisins and candied orange peel are a little like florentines, and originally come from the south of France, but are now an essential part of any Belgian’s Christmas day.
According to tradition, there are four toppings used on these little chocolate coins, each representing one of the Catholic orders created in the 13th Century: white almonds for the Dominicans, raisins to represent the grey of the Franciscans, brown hazelnuts for the Carmelites, and dried figs for purple of the Augustinians.
These flavours, the raisins, the sticky dried figs, the hazelnuts, are all a definitive shoe-in for pairing with the Trappist beer Rochefort 8. Of course, you could go one higher and opt for the dark richness of Rochefort 10, but with an 8 you’ll receive more fruit and spice, spicier top notes, and a touch of caramel. The 10 is all decadence with a hit of winter spice and alcohol warmth — not a bad thing, of course, but a little overwhelming for these little chocolate medallions, unless you’re planning on eating the whole box. In which case, crack open that 10 and pour us some too.
Sprits Biscuits
We’re probably going to be having a few visitors over the next few weeks. Sprits biscuits are the only biscuit to have on hand for those sorts of days with unexpected visitors and endless cups of afternoon coffee.
Nobody said it has to be coffee though. Turn your festive catch-up into a celebration in its own right and grab a beer instead.
A great beer to go with that crisp but melt-in-your mouth almond and butter biscuit is Brasserie de la Senne’s Zinnebir. Cut through the butteriness with a crisp Belgian pale, and enjoy the fragrant, fruity hop aromas of stone fruits and marmalade as they waft from your glass. A deliciously light beer with a bit of a warming kick — it’s 5.8%.
Belgian Candlemas Pancakes
If you thought the festive season was over as soon as January the 1st rolled around, you’re not thinking like a Belgian. On the 2nd of February, the country celebrates Candlemas, the day when the manger scenes can be put away and the last feast day of Christmas.
Like all Belgian festivities, there is a typical food to make and enjoy. Today, on Candlemas, we’re lighting all the candles in the house and having pancakes. Not nearly as thick as American pancakes but not quite as thin as a French crepe, these symbolic treats have been eaten on Candlemas since the 5th century. It’s said to bring you good luck for the year if you make pancakes for the occasion, and it even matters how you flip them. What doesn’t matter is how and when you eat them: You can either have them for lunch or dinner, and serve them rolled up with jam, sugar, syrup, or even chocolate sauce and ice cream.
The right beer for the occasion needs to be light, to make sure these delicate crepes aren’t overpowered. The whole point of Candlemas pancakes is to celebrate the return of spring, the growing hours of daylight, and the use of early-sown wheat, so in the spirit of all things agricultural and rustic, let’s pull out a Saison. No funny business here, we’re opting for Saison DuPont, which hits all the right notes: Dry, fresh, earthy, and a touch of clove and spice. Delicious.
The real ale selection boxes and Punk IPA six packs sold in Tesco are now memes. It’s not that we’re not grateful, it’s just that we don’t want them, and we don’t want you to waste your money on them.
Beer people are as fussy about their beer as wine people are about wine — we hoard our favourites and never drink them, and we complain about the less-good beers we end up drinking instead. We are as picky about the beer we drink as toddlers are about which piece of peanut butter toast they will actually eat (the one on the floor, only.)
It’s not always just about hipster hype. There are often genuine reasons why your beer-loving loved one doesn’t want a certain brewery in their house, and if you’re not a beer person, it’s understandable that you wouldn’t know why. Commendable, even. God, how my life would be if I didn’t have to know any of this stuff. Here are a few short and to-the-point examples of what I mean:
Bottled beers you’ll find in selection packs are nearly always owned by big multinational beer companies — and they’re just not very good. Some object for the first reason, others the second.
So what does this leave you with? It sounds like an impossible job, buying presents for ungrateful bastard beer people, and honestly, it’d be understandable if you didn’t bother. However, if you’re still dead-set on making your favourite beer lover happy, here are some bolt-from-the-blue ideas you’ve still got time to work on before Christmas comes.
This Bacon Fries Bag
Every beer drinker loves pubs, and every pub-going beer drinker loves Bacon Fries. This Bacon Fries bag made by Ross at Pints of Cask will make your beloved beer nerd the belle of the boozer.
Orval
Literally everyone believes Orval is the pinnacle of beer. Make things easy for yourself and go to your nearest beer shop and buy six of them. Job done.
Classic 90s Bud Weis Er Tee
Shit beer but excellent frog-based advert. Sometimes the drip outweighs the morals.
Guinness Merch that Doesn’t Suck
UN:IK and Guinness have a range of merch designed by the UN:IK team in Manchester and it’s all pretty good. Don’t buy anyone a Guinness glass gift set — they absolutely have at least one already thanks to drunk glassware theft.
Their hats in particular make a great present because they aren’t too pricey, and all beer people like wearing little fisherman hats.
Put Money Behind Their Favourite Bar
Genuinely, genuinely do this if you’re feeling generous. Instead of getting a gift card for an online beer company or buying them a crate of something they might not like, go to their favourite pub or bar and put some money on tick for them.
Not only will the bar absolutely love you for giving them a little cash boost at an important time of year, your mate will love you because they can go in and get pints whenever they want for free until the money runs out.
From personal experience as a bar owner, this also encourages people to try things they wouldn’t normally buy, which is also a brilliant thing.
Tennent’s Socks
Yeah, beer people like Tennent’s. You can try to understand it if you want — I know you think it’s “just a lager” (whatever that means) but to us it’s a symbol of joy.
These socks are great and your friend will be chuffed with them.
Timothy Taylor’s Cycling Jersey
If your loved one is a cask beer fan, they’re going to enjoy a pint of Timothy Taylor’s. There’s also a good chance they’ve got an expensive and time-consuming cycling addiction.
Help them look their best when they’re out at a local club ride with a Timmy T’s cycling jersey. It’ll even look good in the pub afterwards when they’re… rehydrating.
Brewery-Branded Running Gear
Speaking of expensive and time-consuming hobbies, there have been many, many recent instances of beer fans being overcome by the need to run — either in groups around industrial estates, at Parkrun, or up and down hills in the rain.
Because of this phenomenon, it’s likely that your favourites’ favourite local brewery has a running shirt or cap in their merch Ikea bag somewhere in the office. Your best bets are the trendy ones who run their own running clubs.
One of my favourites is this “Run Like Helles” shirt by Cornwall-based Firebrand Brewing.
Smoked Salt
I’m not kidding, whenever somebody gets me posh kitchen stuff like oil or salt I’m over the moon.
If you have a smoked beer lover in your life, it’s highly likely they’ve already got a cellar and under-the-stairs cupboard and various kitchen cabinets full of beer. They know what they like, and they collect it. They don’t need any more.
Enable them to make EVERYTHING taste like smoke with some super high quality smoked salt. Tubby Tom’s use smoking woods like mesquite and pecan to give their sea salt varying characters. Trust me, this is the right sort of nerdy.
A Pellicle Subscription
Hell yeah, you know I’m gonna bring up my magazine in this roundup.
Patreon offers gift subscriptions now. Get your beer-loving friend a subscription to Pellicle and they’ll become a supporter of independent beer writing — and they’ll also have access to our supporters-only messageboard, be able to join the Pellicle fantasy football league, and gain other perks too (did somebody say a zine was coming in the new year?)
