7: Desire and Disgust


I love food. I would give anything to be the type of person who, when presented with a tray of chargrilled fish eyes thinks, “ooh, great, thanks.” But I’m not.

I’m becoming fascinated with the idea of disgust — how it’s a visceral feeling within you. You don’t just have a distaste. Your body physically recoils, tears fill your eyes, your skin prickles, your throat closes up. That’s true disgust. It’s an amazing reaction. It used to save our lives.

I usually crave salty, fermented, aged, almost-but-not-quite rotten flavours. I love cheeses, cured meats, breads, beers, wines and ciders. I love spice and heat and bitterness. I told myself for so long that I was fussy; a picky eater. As I build up the tasting thesaurus inside my brain, I realise I was just putting cold hard facts before flavour. I was scared of reality, and the grimness of cooked things, rather than my desire for their tastes, and the journeys they would take me on.

So I ate a softshell crab this week. I liked it, but wanted more salt and a lot more heat. I’d tasted it, rather than thought about its body, soft and helpless in its molted state. It doesn’t sound like it, but that’s progress.

Other stuff:

I’ve just realised that pretty much all of the above are from American publications. I blame my sudden obsession with east coast immigrant-American cooking and food culture thanks to the film Always Be My Maybe and a fifth rewatch of Ugly Delicious.

My stuff:

  • If you didn’t see it already, I wrote about one of my favourite subjects for Ferment mag — how do you know the historically-brewed beer you’re drinking actually tastes like it would have done back then?

  • I’m working on a few articles at the moment, but nothing’s been posted up in a while. Check back next week for more updates, I guess.

  • I went to a photography class last week run by Matt Curtis (shoutout) and I really enjoyed learning about how looking at photos that inspire us can help us become better photographers. I love the idea that beauty can install itself in you, ready for you to use it at a later date.

ORIGINAL ILLUSTRATION © DANIEL GRAY-BARNETT
I looked through The Crane Wife for a perfect illustration, and it turns out,
this is the only one. I imagined the rest. That’s how good it is.

6: Answer the Pepperoni

Sometimes lines from books or songs or TV shows stick in my head like non-musical earworms.

I repeat them to myself for a few days, or longer, like a tiny inconsequential personal mantra. They can be meaningful or, more likely, they are the coked up ramblings of an exhausted scriptwriter cramming in amends of a final draft. Either way they start bouncing around inside my skull and I end up thinking there’s some purpose for them being there, as though I subconsciously highlighted it knowing it was secret wisdom, or a key bit of info that’ll help me through the week ahead.

I suppose that’s why I like horoscopes and tarot cards too. I find it easy and comforting to attach solemnity and deep meaning to things. I have a stone on my windowsill that I picked up from a beach in Eidesfjord nine years ago, because I saw it first out of all the pebbles on that beach, because I was drawn to it, and because I picked it up. Putting it back down was never an option. It lives with me now.

I started watching The Gilmore Girls last week out of boredom and depression and in one episode, a character is explaining the protagonists to another character. He ends the fairly insightful monologue with the line:

“Answer the pepperoni.”

I haven’t been able to get it out of my head ever since.

Other stuff

My stuff

St. Ives by Lily Waite for Good Beer Hunting

5: Apples and Bere


I’m heading to Manchester Cider Club today, a monthly event organised by the ever-active, always cider-passionate Dick and Cath.

If you live in the North West, or if you visit every now and again, you’ll have heard of Dick and Cath. Two wonderful people, on a self-started mission to make Manchester the cider capital of the world. Or at least, to get Mancunians to drink real cider — no mean feat, given it’s also one of the most staunchly “craft beer” cities in the North. I’m really excited to visit them again, not just because I love them to bits, but because we’ll be tasting some of the most hyped ciders around at the Crown and Kettle, and I’ll get to ask a whole heap of questions. Imagine. Cider is hyped now.

Cider was my first favourite type of alcohol, and I used to be the only person I knew that actually enjoyed it. I once went on a road trip around Herefordshire with my then-boyfriend to visit cideries and get absolutely blitzed in pub garden cider festivals. 

“What are you doing around here?” the locals asked us in every pub we went to.

“We just like cider.” A bit of an underwhelming reply, but it was the truth.

The cider trip (probably in about 2007) was also the first time I learned about brewing, or at least fermenting, and going on the Weston’s tour was the first time I ever stepped inside a large-scale facility. I was fascinated by the whole process of turning juice into cider, and when I got home, I made batches of “turbo cider” out of apple juice and champagne yeast. I bet that tiny flat by Headingley Stadium still has a hole in the ceiling.

Other Stuff

  • Manly wedding rings — this article could have been a complete tear-down but instead it’s full of deep questions about masculinity, identity-based marketing and marriage. “Is getting married a not-badass thing to do?”

  • Special Request, an immense and toweringly talented producer of my favourite type of techno-house-bass-existential-crisis-based music, is interviewed here and his thoughts on a “thing you do” becoming a “career” are genuinely comforting and inspirational for a 5 year planless person like me.

  • Barony Mill up in Orkney shared a supremely soothing video of their heritage Bere barley swaying in the wind.

  • This, by David Nilsen for Pellicle, is an absolute joy to read, includes some terroir real-talk and has a genuine lol moment involving a nu-metal dirtbag.

  • The Sleater-Kinney lyric video for Come On Home is a brilliant use of instant messenger (and it’s a really fucking excellent song).

  • This on obesity health-scare campaigns, by author Sam Pollen, gave me a lot to think about this week.

  • I loved this, on Lambic’s timeline from ignored to revered, by Eoghan Walsh so much. Some really insightful interviews in it from Big Lambic Guys, but also his own thoughts and research, which are just as valuable. (Don’t blush Eoghan, it’s true).

My Stuff

4: Repetition and One-Offs


I listen to Radio 6 a lot since I started working from home and I think it’s changed my life.

I listen to the same music over and over again when I’m left to my own devices. I love all genres, and I love finding new music to listen to, but when I’m working, I tend to fall back on repetition to keep my head clear. I’m a passive listener most of the time.

I realised that repetition is soothing to me, as I’m sure it is to a lot of people. I also realised that I spend a lot of time in silence too — something Tom can’t understand at all.

The things I listen to, watch and look at over and over again aren’t routines as such, but they do form a large part of my frame of reference. It’s nice to have someone chattering away in the background, giving me new points of view to think over, nudging me off my velodrome and down spooky paths. You have no idea how many of my articles began as ideas thrown out into the world from music played by Lauren Laverne or Mary Anne Hobbs. I owe them.

Old New New York

A photo of a beach made from landfill in Battery Park, New York appeared in my timeline while I was casting around for something totally out of my comfort zone. This article in the New York Times looks back on this “hipster beach” and manages to articulate just how wonky it made me feel.

Then, Agnes Deyne’s Wheatfield was shared in the same thread. Another beautiful, strange, eerie, unsettling scene in Manhattan. It’s not nature juxtaposed against the city, because a field of golden wheat isn’t natural. The work they had to put in to create it there, the land they had to move, it’s spectacular. I can’t put my finger on why, but it’s haunted me all week.

Other Things

  • Emily Rees Nunn wonders if comfort food is only delicious in our minds, and then regrets making an old family favourite.

  • An ice cream truck owner was so sick of ‘grammers asking for free cones he created an influencer tax.

  • This week I found out about Radon, a deadly invisible gas that’s everywhere. The upside: in America they encourage kids to make posters about it and the results are often incredible.

  • Sarathy Korwal’s music switched something on in my brain this week. Finding out about who he is and the projects he’s worked on has been even more inspiring.

  • This piece on plastic flamingo lawn ornaments from 2001 is everything I love about longreads. Ponder too deeply about what the iconic pink flamingo means to culture and to wider society. Meet Don Featherstone, the hugely lovable visionary who first made them. Rethink forever what you consider “tacky”.



My Things

May 15, 1977.CreditCreditFred R. Conrad/The New York Times